True Repentance

Lately, my personal Bible study that I have been doing through settingcaptivesfree.com has really been challenging me in regards to true repentance again. I may have even posted something to this awhile back as well. My heart and mind are trying to absorb and understand how I am suppose to have true repentance. A repentance that leads to freedom from sin, a repentance that turns 180 degrees from sin and never returns. I have never truly been free of the sin of gluttony. I may have a time period where I feel like I am self-controlled in regards to how much I eat, but that is not true freedom. Especially when I keep heading back into the sin full force.

What is the root problem? It is greed, pride, selfishness and idolatry.

Gluttony is definitely a greed issue for me. An issue of wanting to stay in control (ironically, it is a completely out of control action), but the root of it is selfishness and greed. Not to mention pride and idolatry. For I run to food for comfort, instead of into the loving arms of my Savior. For if I truly was repentive of my sin, I would not return to it. I would hate it, despise it, run from it, flee as far away as possible. I would never toy with it, or tempt it. I would not yeild to its deceptions, nor would I let the whole issue absorb me.

So, the conclusion... I am not truly repentive of it. I long to be, I want to be, yet I fail to submit to what God asks me to do. To repent and never turn back. I love the following quote... and I apologize that I do not know where I got it from. I think it was from the first time I started to do the settingcaptivesfree Bible study (free on-line, if anyone is interested, or you can order a manual to do at home)

True repentance has a distinct and constant reference to the Lord Jesus Christ. If you repent of sin without looking to Christ, away with your repentance. If you are so lamenting your sin as to forget the Savior, you have a need to begin all this work over again. Whenever we repent of sin, we must have one eye upon sin and another upon the cross; or, better still, let us have both eyes upon Christ, seeing our sin punished in him, and by no means let us look at sin except as we look at Jesus. A man may hate sin just as a murderer hates the gallows but this does not prove repentance. If I hate sin because of the punishment, I have not repented of sin; I merely regret that God is just.

But if I can see sin as an offense against Jesus Christ, and loathe myself because I have wounded him, then I have a true brokenness of heart. If I see the Savior and believe that those thorns upon his head were put there by my sinful words; if I believe that those wounds in his heart were made by my heart-sins; if I believe that those wounds in his feet were made by my wandering steps, and that the wounds in his hands were made by my sinful deeds, then I repent after a right fashion. Only under the cross can you repent. Repentance elsewhere is remorse, which clings to the sin and only dreads the punishment. Let us then seek, under God, to have a hatred of sin caused by a sight of Christ's love.

With that said. I am going to cling to Christ, HIS Word and HIS Spirit, for I believe that the only way to true freedom from sin, is through Christ. "I believe Lord, help my unbelief". I trust God will change me through HIS Word and my desire to truly repent. I cannot pretend that I know how or when this will happen, but I will continue to cling to Christ until it does and the rest of my life. My sin prevents my relationship with Christ to grow, it prevents me from truly giving honor and glory to God, it prevents me from truly worshiping God as HE intended.

The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.

Proverbs 5:22-23

"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs."

Jonah 2:8

An Attitude of Gratitude

I find myself often, wishing I had a better attitude. Like I don't have control over it? I have complete control, yet I am choosing not to have a good attitude. "Good" meaning an attitude that displays gratitude. My company had to let three people go yesterday. Very sad, but necessary for the business aspect of things. How often I have taken my job for granted and the blessings that come with it. Wow... I have not had a grateful attitude in the past. Not because I don't like my job, but because I am focused more on the "next" thing or event and not taking time to enjoy the blessings I currently have. So much of my life has been waiting... waiting for the "next" thing or event to happen. What a waste in some ways. Not that I don't need to plan ahead... I do, but I don't want to think life will begin to get great "tomorrow" or "next week". It is great today. I want to be thankful for today. I want to use the time I have in this moment, not always dreaming about the "next".

So, with that said...

Thanks God, for the wonderful job You have given me, for the home I have, for the family I am part of, for the church I attend, for the Salvation You have given me, for the love You bless me with, the friends that You have placed in my life, the car I drive, the food You provide, the puppy that brings me joy, the hobbies that fill my time, the talents I rarely use (sorry), for the eternity I will have someday with You. Sorry I have complained, sorry I have misused the things You have given me, sorry that I have cared more about my agenda or getting somewhere on time than about the person that is standing in front of me... or driving in front of me. May I be more mindful of the daily blessings and be more willing to give of myself for others. Not because I have to, but because I want to.

Love, Me

Psalm 51:1-17

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 51:1-17

Necessity Verses Luxury

My pastor gave a fantastic sermon this past Sunday about the “Fear of Poverty”. Very interesting. Part of his sermon was about the things we “need” verses the things that are luxuries. Interesting thing to ponder as I got ready this morning... looking at the “luxuries” I use every day thinking they are necessities. Such as: make-up, deodorant, perfume, mirrors, curling iron, hair spray, indoor plumbing, dog treats, my dog, a lunch bag, retractable dog leash, screen door, TV, radio, alarm clock, humidifier, night stand lamp, curtains, blinds, carpet, washer and dryer in my home, electricity, refrigerator, microwave, hot water heater, DVD player, VCR, converter box for the TV, couch, chairs, table... I could go on and on. Because, if I really think about it, I only need what God says I need: protection from the elements and food. That’s it. We live life thinking and desiring things we don’t even need.

So... what am I going to change? Do I have things because I am greedy and selfish or are they things I can consider blessings? I think it is probably both. Because, do I really need four DVD players? Yep... four, for one person, that is a bit excessive right? Grant it, I have one for each TV (ouch, I have 2 TV’s) and then my PS2 can be a DVD player, then I have a portable DVD player. But does that justify my excess? Sure, I count them as blessings, but can they also be a curse?

I don’t think I have to live a life void of any luxuries, but I do wonder what I could give up in order to prioritize my life for Christ. Do I own my possessions, or do they own me?

Thought from a devotional tool I use (www.christnotes.org): Eliminate everything unnecessary in your life in order to put first things first.

Verses to ponder:

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:19-21

Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

Luke 18:25

Spiritual Warfare

I have been listening to the book "This Present Darkness", by Frank Peretti and have been challenged in my earthly thinking. As humans, we "normally" do not see the spiritual warfare that is occurring around us. We live in our physical world and trust that what we see is... what we get. However, thinking about the work of the angels (God's messengers and doers of HIS will) and the evil work and deeds of the demons (satan's helpers in his deception and anti-Christ ways) I am reminded, we are not alone as humans.

In this book I am listening to on CD, the demons' voices are harsh and scary, but as I ponder the reader's interpretation, I definitely wonder at the accuracy of the "harsh and scary" voices chosen. One reason being is that satan is deceptive. He would not always use something harsh and scary to draw us into sin. Sometimes, when people are freakishly drawn to horrible images, yes, that could be accurate, but for the most part, I think satan uses appealing ways to draw us into darkness. Think about a seductive voice or how beauty can be used to pull someone into pornography or adultery, are they not alluring and attractive? Only when the true reality of the darkness seeps into us, and the Holy Spirit reveals the darkness of those evil ways, does the true ugliness come forth.

2 Corinthians 11:13-15 (NIV)

13For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles of Christ. 14And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 15It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.

I want "my" reality to be accurate and be illuminated by God's Holy Word. I want to see the world as God wants me to see it, so that I can be of service to and for HIM. I do not want to make excuses for my sin and I do not want to live in ignorance of it either. It scares me in some ways to ask God to reveal HIS truth to me. It means I will have the responsibility to act on that truth and to live out that truth in every way. With more knowledge comes more responsibility. Am I ready to know all the ways evil is thrown at me and how I need to resist it all? Am I ready to be sensitive to the spiritual battles that surround me and be in constant prayer for those struggling? Am I ready to give my life for the cause of Christ, so that HIS work can be accomplished? I need to answer that question with a bold: YES. But sometimes I feel I answer that question with a little wimpy... "maybe". So today, I am going to be bold and say: YES. I will trust Christ for the strength to say that every day going forward. I cannot rely on my strength, only HIS.

Ephesians 6:11-20 (NIV)

11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Jesus Messiah, by Chris Tomlin

I cannot wait until every knee bows and every tongue confesses that Jesus Christ is Lord. What a day that will be! I am still learning how to give honor and glory to HIM here on earth, but someday it will become my inward nature all day, every day, to worship the King! He so deserves our praise and thanks!

The following are the Lyrics to Jesus Messiah, by Chris Tomlin. We are singing it for church choir. It is an amazing song.

He became sin
Who knew no sin
That we might become His Righteousness
He humbled himself and carried the cross

Love so amazing
Love so amazing

Chorus:
Jesus Messiah
Name above all names
Blessed Redeemer
Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners
The ransom from Heaven
Jesus Messiah
Lord of all

His body the bread
His blood the wine
Broken and poured out all for love
The whole earth trembled
And the veil was torn

Love so amazing
Love so amazing, yeah

Chorus:
Jesus Messiah
Name above all names
Blessed Redeemer
Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners
The ransom from Heaven
Jesus Messiah
Lord of all

All our hope is in You
All our hope is in You
All the glory to You, God
The light of the world

Chorus:
Jesus Messiah
Name above all names
Blessed Redeemer
Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners
The ransom from Heaven
Jesus Messiah
Lord of all
Lord of all
Lord of all

Emotional...

Today has been an emotional day for me. Not a bad day, just emotional and very unexpected. I got up early and was in line to vote by 7am. Just after 7, I looked back at the long line and saw a young man that looked so much like my younger brother, Paul, I had to keep staring at him (poor guy). (My brother Paul, passed away on April 20th, 2008). I could not believe my eyes. I kept going over his features, same color hair, same complexion, same color eyes, same mouth, same body structure, it was bizarre. After a few minutes of looking at him at different angles, I found some things that were not similar, his nose, his cheek bones, he was a bit thinner, but up until that point, I was almost wondering if Paul had a twin. But after some time, my brain registered the differences and I came back to reality and logical thinking. However, it definitely created an emotional experience for me. Plus, I had a dream last night that my little Millie (my dog) was hit and killed by a car and in the same dream my parents (who have been divorced since I was 14) were camping together and arguing over something. All of it was very strange. So weird how the mind works sometimes. I have seen movies before where a mom will have lost a little child and then she sees a child that looks similar and she freaks out and does something crazy. I get it, not that I would ever do anything crazy, but the mind can definitely convince you of untrue things.

With that said... I praise God for the truth of HIS Word. That I can go to it and sift the things that happen in this world through what HE tells me is true. I can ask God to show me HIS truth and to keep reality in check for me. I am reminded, that it is a process sometimes. Just like I needed a few minutes and several glances to convince myself that Paul was definitely gone and that this young man was not Paul and not a twin, sometimes it will take several times of meditation or reading a Bible verse to understand what God is telling me. Also, that changing of character is a process and I will not change overnight. In Bible Study this morning, we spoke about how everything happens in God’s timing and HIS timing is not our own. AMEN to that!

The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.

Romans 8:6